


Friends

by ChloShow



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23707780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloShow/pseuds/ChloShow
Summary: Fitzroy and Argo have a serious conversation about secrets!
Relationships: Argo Keene/Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Travis** : Fitzroy, you wake up, open your door, and find Argo in the kitchen eating leftovers from the dinner he made you guys.

**Clint** : And there’d be plenty of leftovers because I was the only one who ate any of it.

**Justin** : You don’t have to be so angry they didn’t eat your chilies and--what was it? It was gross, and Argo’s nasty for making it.

**Clint** : Maybe you guys are just picky eaters.

  
 **Justin** : It’s fine, Dad, I’m not judging. You can own the nastiness. 

**Griffin** : Alright, is the Firbolg anywhere?

**Travis** : I’m not going to tell you. Instead I’m going to--

**Griffin** : Aw, beans, you’re gonna have me roll for it?

**Travis** : That’s _right!_

**Griffin** : That’s perception?

**Travis** : Yep.

**Griffin** : Okay, that’s a 10.

**Travis** : Hmmm, all you see is that the Firbolg is not in you guys’ shared living space.

**Griffin** : Okay.

**Fitzroy** : Ahem, _Ar_ go, if you have a second, I thought we could have that, ah, conversation I said that we needed to have.

**Argo** : What conversation?

**Fitzroy** : Oh, don’t play dumb, or in your case, perhaps it’s not _playing_ at all.

**Argo** : Well, I guess I am dumb for thinking we were friends.

**Fitzroy** : Of--of course we’re friends. 

**Argo** : Well, friends don’t talk to each other like that. I’m not dumb.

**Fitzroy** : Listen, Argo, I’m not calling into question your intelligence, only your memory, which as memory serves, isn’t the best either. So, okay, Argo just--step into my room, and I’ll explain what I mean.

**Argo** : Are ya gonna kill me?  
  


 **Fitzroy** : What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?

**Argo** : Your room’s no more secret than where I’m sittin’. 

**Fitzroy** : I know, but [whispering] I _don’t_ want to _alert_ the Firbolg. You know of his...disadvantages with keeping secrets.

**Argo** : Oh, he’s out talkin’ to the, ah, Groundsey the groundskeeper about something. I don’t know. Gary didn’t say. He just said Groundsey needed to speak with the Firbolg.

**Fitzroy** : Okay, we can have our conversation here, but you have to put that food away.

**Argo** : Why?

**Fitzroy** : Because serious conversations don’t _happen_ at _buffets_.

**Justin** : Uh, I take umbrage with that statement.

**Travis** : Serious conversations only happen at _fancy_ places like The Cheesecake Factory.

**Justin** : Fantasy Cheesecake Factory.

**Travis** : Cheesecake Fantasy.

**Argo** : Fine. I’ll--put everything away.

**Clint** : So he puts everything back in the, ah, fantasy tupperware, and--do they have a fridge?

**Travis** : I mean, I don’t know, do you guys have a fridge?

**Justin** : This just in. Dungeons and Dragons campaign stop in its tracks as the party tries to provide an in-universe explanation for the existence of refrigerators. 

**Clint** : I thought it was a good question for the--for the _worldbuilding._

**Griffin** : Yes, we have a fridge, a magic fridge. Let’s move on.

**Fitzroy** : I want to know what you’ve been hiding from me, Argo, and don’t try to tell me you’re not hiding anything. I _know_ you are. As you would say, you’re a rogue. Rogues are secretive, but as I hope you’ve come to realize from the past few days, it’s not really a time for us to keep secrets from each other. So. Argo, what is it you’re not telling us?

**Argo** : I can’t tell you.

  
 **Fitzroy** : Boy howdy, that’s convenient!

**Argo** : No, I can’t tell you because I can’t trust you, Fitzroy.

**Fitzroy** : _You_ can’t trust _me?_ Ha! I’d say that-- _that_ is pointedly untrue.

**Argo** : I wrote a letter to your mother, Fitzroy, because I wanted to put on a--a _roast_ for you, and she wrote me back.

**Griffin** : Before I get to my reaction, Travis, is this deception?

**Travis** : Yeah, Dad, roll like your life depends on it.

**Clint** : That’s a 13--what do I add, charisma? That’s a plus 2. 15.

**Griffin** : Yeah, that’s--ya got me! That beats both intelligence and wisdom, so...I believe ya.

**Fitzroy** : You wrote my--Wait a second, Argo Keene, _you wrote my mother a love letter?_

**Argo** : No, what? No! That whole--that whole lover penpal thing was a lie. I was just goin’ along with what you were sayin’, so you’d believe me. No, the letter I received was from your mother, and what I learned was, well, what I learned was that everything you’ve been telling us about yourself--everything you’ve told the entire school--were lies. See, there was a point when I trusted you, and I _wanted_ to trust you so _badly_ because I thought we were--that we were...friends.

**Fitzroy** : Let me review what I just heard. You lied about having a lover so that you could contact my mother about throwing me a roast. I haven’t heard anything from your story that says I’m lying about _any_ thing.  
  


 **Argo** : Fitz, I know you’re not rich. I know your father put up his caravan as collateral for you to be a knight. This whole snobby fancy lad routine is an act. I used to think you were nice for someone so pompous, but I see now that you’re ashamed of yourself and ashamed of your parents for not being, well, rich and famous and--

**Fitzroy** : [sniffling] I should never have called you dumb, Argo. I--can’t expect you to understand why I do things the way that I do, but maybe you of all people will understand how it feels when people judge you for what you have instead of _who_ you _are_ . At my last school, not one of my acquaintances thought to write to my mother, not _one_. They were all concerned with themselves, but here? I guess I...well, to be totally honest, I’ve been neglecting our friendship, Argo, and--that’s all I have the capacity to say about that at this juncture.

**Argo** : I feel like this is a moment where we should, I dunno, hug or something?

**Fitzroy** : Um, hugs are--how about a handshake?

**Argo** : Sure.

**Griffin** : He extends his hand.

**Fitzroy** : And by shaking my hand, you are agreeing that from now on this is a secret-free friendship. 

**Argo:** Fitz, I…

**Travis** : There’s a knock at the door. It’s a tiny knock that you recognize as one of Rainer’s little enchanted skelingtons. 

**Fitzroy** : Ahem. That’s, ah, probably Rainer. I should--or _you_ should probably answer it, seeing as it’s most likely one of her perversions of nature.

**Argo** : I need to tell you something else, but I have to speak with someone about it first.

**Fitzroy** : Alright. Incredibly secretive of you, but if you _are_ going to tell me eventually, then I guess I can’t hold that against, you can I?

**Clint** : Argo opens the door.

**Travis** : You open the door, and it’s Rainer’s raccoon skeleton holding an invitation. It’s addressed to “The Thundermen.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Clint:** Is there a Gary in Fitz’s room?

**Travis:** There are three Garys--one in your room, one in the common space, and one in Fitzroy’s room.

**Argo:** Dammit. Is there anywhere we can go where we’ll have some privacy?

**Fitzroy:** I know just the place!

**Griffin:** And I’m talking about the edge of the forest where me and the Firbolg had our conversation.

**Travis:** Alright, so you two head out to the Unknown Forest, and you stop where you met with the Firbolg before, or do you pick another spot?

**Griffin:** This spot’s as good as--why am I speaking in character voice. I mean, Fitzroy is a creature of habit, so he goes to the same spot.

**Travis:** The two of you make a perception check.

**Griffin:** That’s, ah, that’s a-[leans away from the mic]-that’s a 3, babey!

**Clint** : I’ve got a 6.

**Travis:** Okie dokie, you guys don’t notice anything.

**Griffin:** That’s reassuring.

**Justin:** Shit, Trav, I know we’re supposed to roleplay as if we have no interaction with the GM, but hachi machi is that foreboding. Like maybe Fitzroy just on a whim decides that they need to choose a different spot.

**Griffin:** Awh, you know what Justin, that would be great, wouldn’t it, but you know, that wouldn’t be Dungeons and Dragons, would it, bud?

**Justin:** I know. I know. I just get so much, so much second hand anxiety sometimes.

**Griffin:** Yeah, like you know something’s up, but you gotta stay in character. And if that character’s a dummy, like Argo and me, they don’t notice nothin’, do they?

**Travis:** Okay, so you’re at the spot. Now what do you do?

**Argo:** You remember when I told you I needed to tell you somethin’ but had to ask someone about it first?

**Fitzroy** : Yes, yes, my memory is a steel-trap, just look at my noggin’.

**Griffin** : And he points to the crown he made with the artificer’s help.

**Argo** : Yeah, uh, you never did say why you started wearin’ that thing...I thought it was just an affectation.

**Fitzroy** : Oh oh oh, far from it, my friend! With this, I have protection against anyone trying to mess with this ol’ noodle. 

**Argo:** Hey, could you maybe get me one ah those?

**Fitzroy:** We’re getting off track, Argo. What were you going to tell me?  
  


 **Argo:** Ah, yes, well, I can tell you that I belong to a secret organization. You might have seen my tattoo?

**Fitzroy:** Yes, an incredibly tasteful design for someone with your fashion sense.

**Argo** : Jodhpurs are fashionable!

**Fitzroy:** I was speaking of your choice of facial hair, but that is neither here nor there. What is this secret organization, you say?

**Argo:** It’s an organization my mother belonged to. You can only invite one person to join in your life, so I was offered her invitation because they thought that’s what she woulda wanted.

**Fitzroy:** And this organization, they do what exactly?

**Argo:** They said they don’t think of themselves as heroes or villains, per se. They’re just there to do what needs to be done, and they told me I needed to investigate you because of yer wild magic and all, but I said--

**Fitzroy:** Wait, wait, wait. You were investigating me?  
  


 **Argo:** Hey, I didn’t wanna do it! I told them, “If he gets hurt, then I’m out. I’m quitting your little secret society here.”

**Fitzroy:** Well, I guess that _is_ the question that I would like solved myself. Why do I have wild magic? Why, out of everyone, did I have to get the enchanted buttcrack magic?

**Argo:** Because you’re an asshole.

**Fitzroy:** Ah--

  
 **Justin** : [laughs]

**Travis:** [laughs]

**Argo:** Sorry, it was--you--

**Fitzroy:** Yes, I set that up myself. Sure. I understand.

**Argo:** The only way I’m able to tell you about any of this is because I’m, well, I’m offerin’ you a spot in the organization.

**Fitzroy:** What?  
  


 **Argo** : I have one invitation, and you’re my--you’re my plus one if you think about it.

**Fitzroy:** [almost laughing] Argo, I have absolutely no interest in dedicating my life to a secret organization. I’ve already dedicated my life to Goodcastle. I’m not a rogue, Argo. I’m a knight. And I understand you joining because of your mother, but I have no interest in pursuing a life of secrecy besides keeping the location of Goodcastle a secret to my dying day as will be expected of me. Once this thing with Higglemas is over--I’m through with these petty secrets and I’m through with this school.

**Argo:** So you’re goin’ to tell everyone in this Goodcastle you’re not extremely wealthy?

**Fitzroy:** Pbthhhh, you know, I’ll be extremely wealthy by that time, so it won’t really even _matter_. 

**Argo:** That’s it then. You’re rejectin’ the offer.  
  


 **Fitzroy:** Thank you, but no thank you, Argo. 

**Argo:** And once we help Higglemas, and he gives you your diploma, that’s it then. You’re gone.

**Fitzroy:** Ah, I thought I was very clear about that from the very first moment I stepped foot in this school.

**Argo:** I thought that maybe you’d changed your mind.

**Fitzroy:** Oh, Argo, once you set your heart on a goal to which you are dedicated unwaveringly, then and only then will you understand my single-mindedness. Until then--

**Argo:** No, I understand.

**Fitzroy:** You have a goal?

**Argo:** I want to work for the Commodore.

**Fitzroy:** Ah, yes, whoever that is. Now, if we’re all _done_ with this secret business, I’m gonna head back and get some _shut_ eye.

**Argo:** Alright. I’ll just--I’ll be right behind you. I need some...some time to myself.

**Griffin** : I’m already walking away from him.

**Travis:** Argo, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw.

**Justin** : Oh shit.

**Clint** : That’s a 9 minus 1. 8.

**Travis** : Doesn’t cut it, Mac. As you’re standing at the edge of the forest watching Fitzroy retreat back to the dorm, you’re perfectly fine and without warning, you’re on the ground--your vision blurry and fading.

**Clint:** Shit. Can I call out?

**Travis** : You call out, but it’s muffled and quiet as you fade out of consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fitzroy** : You sure made yourself scarce yesterday, my friend. Tell me, what did Groundsy want from you?

**Firbolg** : This Groundsy and...Hernandez had questions about some of the animals acting in a strange manner.

**Fitzroy** : By strange, do you mean we have another--ah, oh wait, shit. Wait! Shit! That sounded natural, right?

**Firbolg** : As natural as a fawn taking its first steps.

**Fitzroy** : Ah, what was I--Gary. Can you shut your ears, Gary? For a--just a _hot_ second.

**Gary** : I mean, I can, but what’s with the secrets, fellas? First there was last night with you and Argo, and now it’s you and the Firbolg.

**Firbolg** : Vhat is it you had to say to Argo?

**Fitzroy** : It was nothing--it was--wait. Have you seen our friend Argo anywhere this morning?

**Firbolg** : I have not seen him since, ah, yesterday vhen I arose from my slumber.

**Fitzroy** : Ah, hm. That’s certainly not the most _encouraging_ sign.

**Firbolg** : Vhere did you last see him?

**Travis** : The two of you make your way swiftly to the outskirts of campus at the edge of the Unknown Forest. Both of you, make a perception check.

**Griffin** : Pff, really whiffed that one. That's a 5.

**Justin** : I got a, uh, 17 altogether.

**Travis** : Well then, Firbolg, _you_ notice a small red fox staring at you intently from behind a tree.

**Justin:** I’m gonna--from what Groundsy and Hernandez told me about the animal behavior they’ve been seeing, this, ah, sort of behavior sounds like what they told me about, so I’m gonna use Speak with Animals.

**Travis** : Alright, then. That’s--you don’t have to cast that.

**Justin** : No, yeah, I can just do it. 

**Firbolg** : Vhat is the matter?

**Argo** : You can speak to animals?

**Firbolg** : Argo...Vhy are you a fox? This is unfortunate.

**Argo** : You’re telling me!

**Fitzroy** : Wait, wait, Master Firbolg, what are you doing?

**Firbolg** : The fox is...Argo.

**Fitzroy** : Ah, please tell me you didn’t just say that our friend Argo has been turned into some form of forest rodentia. 

**Firbolg** : I did say this.

**Fitzroy** : Ask him--ask him what happened last night. After I left.

**Firbolg** : Ah, Fitzroy wants to--

**Argo** : I know what he’s sayin’. Tell ‘im I was knocked out, and I woke up like this.

**Firbolg** : He can understand you, and he says someone knocked him out.

**Fitzroy** : Argo, who was it? Did you see who did this to you?

**Argo** : No, I was standin’ there then _pff_! I tried to call to ya, but I guess ya couldn’t hear me.

**Firbolg** : He says he doesn’t know what happened.

**Fitzroy** : Oh, this is bad, isn’t it? Like I had my doubts about helping Higglemas when our mission got delayed by Althea, but then she left and now that I’m saying it aloud it sounds incredibly suspicious. 

**Firbolg** : Vhy vould anyone turn Argo into a fox?

**Fitzroy** : I _may_ have had a, ah, _solo_ Thunderman meeting with Higglemas about my whole role in--well, all you need to know is he wanted me to do something, I expressed my misgivings, and he told me I should seriously reconsider my decision. 

**Firbolg** : I don’t have the slightest clue vhat you are talking about.

**Fitzroy** : I know, but--there has to be a simpler way to change someone back into themselves, right?

**Firbolg** : I am not the one who has been taking magic lessons.

**Fitzroy** : Oh, right. _Right._ I know who we need to talk to.

**Griffin** : And I’m going to go see Festo.

**Travis** : Do you take Argo with you?

**Clint** : You better take me with you!  
  


 **Griffin** : Yeah, well Fitzroy is, well, he asks if he can put him around his neck like a fancy fur so that people are less suspicious of a fox on campus.

**Travis** : What do you say, Argo?

**Clint** : Argo’s cool with it. He doesn’t want any of them to be caught. Plus, he thinks it’s a real rogue move.

**Griffin** : So Fitrzoy takes Argo and pretends he’s a fancy fur, and he’s like _really_ vocal about it.

**Fitzroy** : Look at my-- _Look at my new_ fur, _Firbolg?_ Isn’t it--isn’t it _keen_?

**Firbolg** : This is unnecessary.

**Griffin** : [laughs]

**Travis** : So you get to Festo’s office. What do you do?

**Griffin** : I knock on the door.

**Festo** : Come in, Fitzroy!

**Fitzroy** : How did you know it was me?

**Festo** : Festo always knows.

**Fitzroy** : Ah, creepy. So Festo. I have a bit of a _magic_ question for you…

**Festo** : Oh really? Festo would never have guessed!

**Fitzroy** : You don’t have to be _rude_. It’s a--You see it’s a very important, time sensitive question.

**Festo** : Oh?

**Fitzroy** : My friend here--This isn’t a beautiful new fur I have recently acquired no matter what you may have heard. This is a living breathing animal, and also...my friend, ahem, Argonaut Keene.

**Festo** : Festo can guess your magic question from this. To transmogrify others at will requires powerful magic. Festo has only heard of one person to change someone else in this way and then change them back.

**Fitzroy** : Well, that’s great. Just tell me who they are, and zippity zap, the Thundermen are back together!

**Festo** : You know them.

**Fitzroy** : What do you mean I know? Festo, this isn’t a time to be cute.

**Festo** : Festo is always cute!

**Fiztroy** : You know what I--my friend’s safety and perhaps the safety of this educational institution is at stake here.

**Festo** : What Festo means is that the only person who has demonstrated this ability...is you!

**Fitzroy** : Well, shit.

[TAZ: GRADUATION OUTRO PLAYS]

 **Firbolg** : Argo suggests you kiss him to break the spell.

**Fitzroy** : He said no such thing.

**Firbolg** : Youuuu know I cannot lie. Why would I lie about this? Argo says true love is the most powerful magic of all.

  
 **Festo** : That is untrue.   
  
  


**Fitzroy** : Ah, yes, quite the fairy tale.

**Festo** : That is offensive. Fairies do not tell tales about this.   
  


**Firbolg** : Argo says he was joking.

**Fitzroy** : Of course he—of course you were Argo! You’ll never get a kiss from me at this rate!

**Firbolg** : He says he doesn’t know what you mean.

**Fitzroy** : It’s fine. I don’t quite know what I mean either.

[END]


End file.
